Kids may say the silliest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HPUKParents on Twitter for more!
The best thing about 3-year-old's is the way they do what they can with the words that they know. My daughter doesn't know the word "cough drop" so she is requesting medicine beans.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) December 17, 2022
Understanding baby/toddler/children’s shoe sizing requires an advanced degree that I do not have.
— Emily Favreau (@emilyfavreau) December 22, 2022
Nothing has made me prouder of my son than when a cartoon character asked the viewer a question and paused for an answer and he looked at me and whispered “Who is she talking to?”
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) December 19, 2022
Thoughts and prayers for the rival dad across the street who just missed trash pickup 3 days before Christmas.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 22, 2022
7YO wants Santa to believe that we’re a healthy family, so this year instead of cookies she’s requesting we leave him a bowl of air fried cauliflower
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 22, 2022
My kid came up with a new holiday greeting pic.twitter.com/TlSN4dGC9c
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 21, 2022
We asked my 8yo if she knew what "ambidextrous" meant, and as she tried to figure it out, we heard her mutter under her breath, "It's not when two girls like each other...that's lesbians."
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) December 21, 2022
My 5 year old just referred to the drink menu as a "beer magazine" and that's what I'm calling it from now on
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 22, 2022
on the 12th day of christmas my kids can’t seem to find
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) December 19, 2022
12 lego pieces
11 broken crayons
10 random socks
9 puzzle pieces
8 bouncy balls
7 board game pieces
6 library books
5 marker caaaps
4 play-doh tops
3 homework papers
2 tiny gloves
and the remote to the damn tv
Summer said "come here mommy look, look at my Christmas gifts you bought me" & I'm just standing there looking stupid. I can cry 😩😫
— Yung Miami (@YungMiami305) December 22, 2022
Preteens will never let you love yourself too much. My kid was watching a TV show with her dad this week and I pointed to one of the actresses to say that she was a fan of mine.
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) December 20, 2022
My daughter replied: "By a fan, do you mean that she liked one of your tweets once?" ☠️
"YOU'RE GONNA GET THE HELL OVER HERE AND WATCH THIS CHRISTMAS MOVIE WITH US AS A FAMILY AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE CHRISTMAS JOY!!"
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 21, 2022
- And other fun christmas things I say to my kids
I want to be so rich that my kid is a bad documentary filmmaker
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) December 17, 2022
Welcome to parenthood. You never thought you'd say things like, "I'm going to cut Christmas right out of the calendar" but here we are.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) December 22, 2022
My daughter’s FaceTime skills can only be described as “cameraman from the Blair Witch Project”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) December 17, 2022
I started cleaning the house and then remembered that I have kids, I’ll try again in 18 years
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 19, 2022
My 5yo may only be a fraction of my size but he takes up 95% of the space in my bed
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) December 20, 2022
My 5yo asked if penguins can walk down stairs and now I can’t get that image out of my head
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 20, 2022
My 5yo woke me up really early to ask me what day it is because she wanted to make sure it's not Christmas
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 22, 2022
An advent calendar but every day is a different sickness your kid is bringing home from school
— Krysta Kringle 🎄 (@krystaunclear) December 23, 2022
I told my toddler 'look with your eyes but keep your hands down' to stop him touching the Christmas tree ornaments. It was going well until I caught him touching the baubles with his tongue.
— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) December 20, 2022
My 7yo says “trust me” a lot for someone who lies about wearing underwear
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 21, 2022
My kids are playing pretend and I overheard my son say, “We don’t have enough money for any of this.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 19, 2022
Shit is getting real.
The first rule of Elf on the Shelf is don’t tell my kid about Elf on the Shelf
— kidversations (@kidversations_) December 22, 2022
I’m writing a fairytale about a kid that puts her shoes on after her mom only asks once.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) December 22, 2022
